October 9, 2022
Grace scared me.
This past weekend, the KidzAblaze team gathered for a practice weekend. We got to know each better, prepare things for this upcoming ministry year, and spend time in worship together.
Friday night, we had one such worship service. At one point, we sat on the sanctuary floor, each of us simply worshipping. Someone went up to Pastor Randy with a paper and asked him to pray with her about the things she had written down. After, she would rip the paper up and throw it away. Pastor Randy felt God leading us all to do the same. So we each retrieved a sheet of paper, and wrote things we needed to give up to God.
While I do figure things out by writing, my thoughts felt a mess. I prayed and wrote down a few answers, but I knew something was there I wasn't exactly seeing.
Then God brought to mind a word I had received at the Breakaway. It was a picture of me trying to play a duet, and I couldn't do it alone. It's funny, because that sounds fun to me, and I've tried it. But it's frustrating when I actually do try. Not only does a duet require four hands, I think it needs three or four eyes as well. The way duet music is set up, one part is on one page, and the other part on another page. So I'm there with my hands going wild, up and down the piano, stretching farther than ever, and my head turning toward each page. Of course, this causes terrible rhythm and sour notes. It seemed just like my spiritual life:
A frantic mess.
And instead of asking for help, I'd rather look to God for instruction on how to do it on my own. After all, I shouldn't bother Him and be poor, needy old me; I should live in such a way that completely glorifies Him, right? Shouldn't this song sound perfect?? So then I beat myself up every time I thought I did something wrong, no matter how small, mostly in my relationships with others and with God. But I didn't want to give it up. What if accepting God's grace would make me live complacently? I certainly didn't want that! I wanted to give Jesus my all!!
Grace scared me.
By God's Grace
And then God showed me His grace doesn't cause the worst in each of us; rather, when we accept it with a real heart, it shapes us into who God wants us to be. It is part of that process of building our lives, just as important as the correction and the repentance, the love for God and the fire in serving Him!!
"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me." -1 Corinthians 15:10 (ESV)
And so this is the single line I wrote on that paper:
I need to commit my duet to God.
And when Pastor Randy came by with trash can, I ripped that paper to shreds and tossed it in. It's all gone--the confusion, the burden.
Goodbye heavy weight,
Goodbye past mistakes,
How is God calling you to walk in His grace?
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28 (NIV)